Thursday, April 23, 2009

Powerless or Powerful?

Opus=Work * Vesta=Goddess of family * Ego=Self/Conciousness

The other day, I got very angry. We got a ticket on one of our cars for expired registration. I knew it was for April but thought we till the end of the month. Oh no. It expired on the 15th! When did this start?

The ticket is an absurd $65 dollars for being a few days late. I felt robbed and it made me angry. Not just of the money or ticket. I was angry because I have a very full life, like many working parents, and I try to make it by on some assumptions so that I can get things done in life with some ease. One assumption I thought I could make was to take care of vehicle registrations at the end of the month.

I decided to take some time to think about what really made me angry. It came down to one word:


I can often feel powerless and it makes me feel helpless, which in turn makes me angry. I feel powerless because there are people, such as government officials, company executives and others that do things that have control over me, yet I have no say. (Kids probably think this all the time)

Vote and boycott is many people's answer. I feel voting does not work. I could vote for every alternative and the fact is, government bureaucracies will change things without our consent and we are powerless. Look at the MTA fare hikes in NY.

The only thing I can do in life is change and work on the things I can control:
  1. Such as, read my mail and don't assume.
  2. Look for alternatives at every corner. (I changed cable companies in the nick of time but I was lucky there was an alternative.)
  3. Prioritize important deadlines
  4. Listen
  5. Act instead of react
  6. Pick my battles

I really like that last one. My husband and children are a good examples. There are things I will go to battle for but, I make sure it's THAT important.

I think about Primoff of Scarsdale, who put her children on the street, not 20 minutes from my home, who is also a partner at the same firm where husband works. In her moment, she felt powerless and reacted to her sense of powerlessness. Is she a bad mother? I have no idea. Did she do something dumb? You bet. Does she regret it? Oh yeah. My only hope is that it turns into some thing funny for the girls, later in life, like:

12 year old, now 30: "Remember that time Mom got so mad at us that she left us on the street in White Plains? LOL"

10 yr old, now 28: "OMG, Mom, you were so mad! I can't believe I went with that person to go get ice cream! What was I thinking? LOL and the media went berserk!"

Mom: "I'm sorry I was an idiot. Now that you have kids, do better!"

We can only hope. I'm sure there are many lessons in power from that one.

A few last thoughts and I'll share my Entrepreneur and Professional Moms Assoc. video.

Think about your power over others and use it wisely - justly. Consider the power others have over you. Most importantly, think about the perception of power of others over you. Work to control your reactions.

Wish you all the best,


Monday, April 13, 2009

Energy Drains

I sent out a video today to all my BusiMoms. (That's my short hand for members of Entrepreneur and Professionals Moms Assoc.) I'd like to share it with you today!

It's about energy drains -- all those pesky things that make us crazy and puts us into a negative thought zone. This negative energy will keep you from getting the most out of your day, your week, your life.

Find out what drains your energy and work to get them under control. You will never be able to completely eliminate them but if you can start to manage them in a positive way then they won't control your physical and emotional self.

Some hints for gaining control:
  1. Make a list of any thing in your life that drains you mentally. i.e. The key that sticks in a lock, gray hair on your head, peeling paint, clutter, a leaky faucet, dentist appointments, unanswered mail/email - walk around your house.
  2. Take a week to fill it out!
  3. Post this list in plain sight.
  4. Look at the list and meditate - think positive thoughts. You don't want to be overwhelmed.
  5. Categorize the list into reoccurring energy drains and a list of "one-time" energy drains.
  6. One-time to do's are easy. Just pick one each week or if inspired, one each day and cross them off as you go. If you're like me, when family visit, they are sometimes able to help out with some of these. (I find a lot of these seem to be home improvement related! lol)
  7. The reoccurring energy drains are tougher. You have to look at each one and figure out what it is about the drain that gets you. For example, I go crazy over putting laundry away. I can seem to get things in the wash but, putting them away is another story. This week, I'm going to figure out a way to make it easier on myself. If you have any suggestions about what works for you...I'll consider it, post in the comments.

It takes 21 days to start a new habit. If you are working on the reoccurring drains and you are going to try something new. You need to do it 21 days in a row. If it's not a daily occurrence still stick to the 21 days.

A coach can do wonders helping with energy drain management. I recommend finding one. I'm going to talk with my coach about that laundry.



Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Today is my first blog. I am an extrovert and have a hard time sitting down to write my own thoughts. I decided that perhaps it was time to start a blog and perhaps that will entise me to write.

I'd like to explain my title. Opus, vesta, ego. Opus means work, vesta is the goddess of family and ego is self or conciousness. It kind of explains me. I am a mom, wife, maid, household I.T. expert/landscaper/medic/historian/party plannerm/mediator and entrepreneur.

I've started a group called Entrepreneur & Professional Moms Association. Check out our website!

I also do organizational development for small businesses and entrepreneurs and have a family and couples coaching practice. I love helping people succeed and making a positive difference in peoples lives.

I hope that you enjoy my blog and follow me as I search for things and ideas to help others with business or family or both!


Work at Home Mom

Opus=Work * Vesta=Goddess of family * Ego=Self/Conciousness

It is not easy working full time away from the house when you have kids at home. Working at home when you have small kids at home is not easy either. Too many distractions.

The biggest problem for me is prioritizing and focusing. The second biggest problem is my attention and effort in any one area. I feel I'm balanced but everything and everyone is only getting so much from me...including myself.

My Entrepreneur and Professional Moms Assoc. gets %25, my consulting business gets %25, my family gets %25 and I get %25. That adds up to %100 of me. This is because when I'm working, I'm feeling guilty about not spending time with the kids. When I'm with the kids, I'm think about all the things I need to be doing.

I think the trick is to try and just give %100 into what I am doing at the moment. Instead of sitting in the living room while my children play and me sitting on the computer. (The benefit of wireless laptop) I need to stop and play with them and then go to my own area to do work. Easier said than done. More on this later, as I explore it.

Cheers, Lorin